you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
