So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
