I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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