WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
