I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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