so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
