you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
