She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
