so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
