If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
