Got a toothbrush?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
