One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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