SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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