Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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