I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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