ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
