It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
