Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize