apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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