ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This toilet bowl is my home.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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