Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize