hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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