i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
