we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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