Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We had sex on a dog bed..
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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