Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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