Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
