omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize