You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
