i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
