Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
