we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
