did you get engaged???
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
