meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
