you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im part way to drunk.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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