so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
