Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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