Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize