i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
