OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
