Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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