Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
