The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
