you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
