This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
