Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
