Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
