My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
