i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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