How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
