Just cropdusted the office
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
