I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
