My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
