i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
