We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
