They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
