Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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