He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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