There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
