what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The Olympian is in my bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
