Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
