I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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