my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
