I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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