We named our party play list daddy issues
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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