thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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