At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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