People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
