I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
