Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
it's like iHOP with fire
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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