Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
