dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
