never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I look excited, but its just a facade.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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