she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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