Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
