I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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