it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
