after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
