well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize