I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
