help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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