Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
