what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
