i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
