Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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