i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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