Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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