this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize