so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
