it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think your dad took our porno
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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