I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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