I hope mine doesn't look like that
is wine microwaveable?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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