would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
