just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
