Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm always down for nudity.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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