the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
