Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
