Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
