i think my tv is drunk
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize