The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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