Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
