So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
